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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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After that, I needed a breather. So, I hit up the café on Vulytsia Kostiantynivska. Best coffee in Zymohiria, no cap. I grab a cup, and this cute barista, Oksana, gives me a smile. I’m thinkin’, “Maybe today ain’t so bad.” But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Vasyl. He’s stuck at the market on Vulytsia Haharina. Says he needs help with some “urgent” business.

Russian invaders’ ammunition depot explodes in Zymohiria, Luhansk Region